National Editor Tom Karst
National Editor Tom Karst

Cry me a river! Should I call a wambulance?

I feel like uncorking the R-rated versions of these G-rated putdowns after reading a recent court case filed by a prisoner in California at the U.S. District Court in the Eastern District of California. Truth be told, it is not a rare occurrence to come upon litigation related to prison food on the Government Printing Office website. While Joe Lunchbucket is happy with a bologna sandwich and chips, some prisoner always feels the government is not giving him the diet he deserves.

This particular case  was filed by a prisoner in California.

From the summary of the complaint, the picture starts to become clear:

Plaintiff alleges the following. Plaintiff is a member of the Creativity religion, also known as Ecclesia Creatoris, for over 12 years, and has been an ordained minister of his church for a decade.

 As explained in the footnotes of the complaint, the “Creativity” religion has an oath promising “undying loyalty to the White Race and to the World Church of the Creator.” The oath reads,

"I will practice the Golden Rule, namely, to promote the best interests of the White Race; that I believe in the mission of the World Church of the Creator, will obey instructions issued by my superiors, and will fight for its aims by lawful means.”

 Gee, who knew the “Golden Rule” was about promoting the best interests of the white race?

 Turns out the followers of the Creativity religion practice “Salubrious Living,” which consists of a fruitarian diet of raw organic whole fruits, vegetables, and some grains, and clean, pure water or freshly squeezed juice from organic fruits and vegetables.

Uh, yeah, we see where this is going. Besides objecting to prison authorities confiscating what were determined to be racist posters from his cell, our plaintiff also thought the standard issue vegetarian diet wasn’t meeting his religious obligations.

 From the complaint:

Plaintiff complains that the religious vegetarian diet which he receives fails to meet his religious requirements. Plaintiff complains that (prison staff) will not discuss the creation of a fruitarian diet.

After he was denied the “fruitarian diet” the plaintiff wanted to be allowed to eat the Jewish kosher diet. From the complaint:

Plaintiff submit ted a request to Defendant Rabbi John Doe 1, requesting placement on the Jewish Kosher diet as the closest alternative diet. On May 17, 2012, Defendant Doe denied Plaintiff’s request because he is not Jewish. Plaintiff alleges violations of freedom of religion, freedom of speech, and the Establishment Clause, violation of his right to petition the government for redress of grievances, violation of his right to be free from unreasonable searches and seizures, violation of equal protection and due process under the Fourteenth Amendment, and violation of the Religious Land Use and Institutionalized Persons Act of 2000. Plaintiff requests compensatory and punitive damages, and declaratory and injunctive relief.

At this point in the document we hold our breath and hope the court dispatches this nuisance lawsuit from our white power religionist with extreme prejudice. We would have real cause to dread the state of our courts if the judge decided to create an organic juicing station for this nut. Thankfully, our inmate with the “Creativity” religion and the “fruitarian” diet saw his lawsuit dismissed by the district court judge. No freshly squeezed juice from organic fruits and vegetables – sorry! Would you like a crymenol?