John Phipps: The Supply Chain Made Me Do It
I’m always on the lookout for new excuses. After all, you never know when a hare-brained scheme or half-baked idea might go south. You may suspect, but you don’t truly know until the adjuster has verified the damage. In my arsenal of reasons why things aren’t my fault, recent events have given me a cruise-missile-strength weapon: the supply chain.
Eyes will not roll, nor lips turn up with scorn when we pull out this new responsibility force-field. After all, according to Fountain of Economic Knowledge, Facebook, the supply chain has already forced the mighty Federal Reserve to pay interest, maybe as much as 0.25%. I’m not making this up. Ordinary citizens might even get tiny payments on their savings every year. If the supply chain has that kind of power, no kryptonite can save us.
There can be problems, however, which strain the supply chain defense. For example, this article is about two-weeks late, so connecting that failure with the old supply chain was initially a challenge.
Taking a page from the captains of industry, and a few corporals, the most popular way to ease a supply chain problem is to raise the price. While wasn’t sure that would work with my editors, I resorted to the trusty old backup tool: copy something from the internet.
Try It Yourself
Google “supply chain jokes.” After scanning a few pages for several hours, I noticed there were only about three mildly funny ones. At least, the first time you read them. The rest were simply retreads of old jokes about with “supply chain” inserted for “bartender.”
To my horror I realized that supply chain humor has its own supply chain problem, since 63% of our jokes are imported, mostly from Pucklechurch, England. [Ha, ha, made you google!] Of course, deploying this justification raises the awkward admission that my work may contain quasi-original ingredients.
However, the supply chain turmoil has some secretly thrilled. In any customer retail situation, you can pretend to computer search diligently for several minutes, typing frantically like an airline agent asked for the time, or you can peck lethargically and sadly moan, “Sorry, supply chain.” Conditioned to this response, even the touchiest consumer admits defeat and slumps away. It could even be true. Keeping accurate inventories of nothing is a timesaver too.
Clear the Clutter
Problematically, the rule of thumb if it’s out of stock it must be a good product has been rendered moot by the supply chain. Empty spaces on shelves could be simply waiting for cruddy merchandise to arrive. They don’t pack cargo ships according to Amazon stars. It is also an opportunity to clear ancient merchandise from storeroom shelves.
We are adopting the patterns of purchasing seen during WWII rationing: if it’s there, buy it. You can always swap for other things later. Anybody need 2 cases of iPhone 4’s?
What do you get when you cross the intellect of an engineer, the heart of a farmer and the charm of a TV commentator? The ever-witty John Phipps.
